Blubber Be Gone

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Life + Challenges=  New chapter.

The word challenges always brings mixed emotions to me.  It’s that feeling of anxiety, excitement, and nervousness all rolled into one big emotional roller coaster, but I’m not one to ever shy away from a challenge especially when it comes during a time when I need a new challenge that will really test me emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.  You maybe wondering what this challenge that I’m referring to, and please excuse me, if I’m a bit apprehensive to come out and say it because I’m not one to really share my personal demon for everyone to read.  But I guess that’s what is so intriguing about blogs because I view it as a journal; however, the major difference is that people can read it which then helps me to be held accountable.  Plus I find it very therapeutic to talk about my problems.  So enough of me blubbering away…er….blabbing away.  As the title refers, you may already know what this new challenge that has crept into my life unexpectedly.

So here’s what happened.  Few nights ago as I was watching one of my guilty pleasures aka Couples Therapy, I received an email from my college’s gym.  When I opened the email, it only contained a link with a note saying Shape Up and Ship Out which me being like cat that’s is just curious about everything and anything, I immediately had to go to link to see what this trap, I mean link was.  Following the link was a 12 week challenge to lose weight and get in shape.  Winner gets a $500.00 gift certificate to put towards a cruise.  One would think the word challenge was what intrigued me; however, it was the word CRUISE that got me really going on especially if it’s a free one since I’m all about free stuff….let’s be honest…who WOULDN’T be?   I’m not one to fully think that this was mere coincidence because this challenge has come into my life at a time where I’ m about to start a new chapter in my life, but the one thing that has been holding me back from being fully proud of myself is my weight.  When I look at everything that I have in my life, I am completely and 100% happy with my wonderful marriage to an extremely loving and supportive husband, my family that truly believes in me and supports me, and my huge and tight group of friends that has been there through the hardest and weakest moments of my life.  However, the one thing that I can honestly say that makes me extremely unhappy is my weight.  I cringe when I hear the words, “Let’s take a picture!” because I know that I have to face looking at the image of myself, so I avoid taking pictures, and even when I have to, I try to bolt out of the room so I don’t have to face looking at what I have done to myself.  This new chapter that I am about to enter has been filled with accomplishments, and one of the biggest accomplishments is getting my bachelor’s degree in May.  Honestly, when I walk down that aisle to get my diploma, I want to be COMPLETELY happy with my life including my weight because I would have accomplished everything I wanted, and I want to walk down that aisle and not be ashamed to take pictures because it is a moment in my life that I should be fully proud of including my weight.  You see my husband and I moved to Mississippi a couple of years ago, and during that time, I had lost about 50 lbs.  Well, as one would know and understand, life tends to bring about a lot of changes and challenges.  I found myself slowly gaining the weight and not ever getting control of it because I struggle with prioritizing myself.  Dealing with a new move away from my family, working for a short period of time before going to school full time, and the biggest challenge was dealing with the emotional scars that developed during my time in Florida added weight not just emotionally but also physically.  But enough of the excuses, I know I am ultimately at fault for gaining the weight, and now that the awareness is there, I need to take it and make it a learning lesson.

My weight has always been the inner demon that has sabotaged my life and prohibited me from being completely happy with myself.  Throughout the day, I find myself constantly thinking about my weight or comparing myself to others.  Not only has it consumed my life, but it also has taken a lot of my happiness, and quite honestly, I can say that I have hit rock bottom.  Since I am pursuing my master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, I believe it is extremely important for me to “practice what I preach”.  If I’m suppose to tell my future clients to take care of themselves by making sure they prioritize taking time for themselves and taking care of their health then I need to do the same.  I just can’t be the type of counselor that tells them these things but yet doesn’t even implement it in my own life.  That right there wouldn’t make me an effective counselor, and I can’t live life like that.  In order for me to be successful with this weight loss, I have decided to blog once a week about my progress and struggles along with posting pictures of my progress.  Below you will see pictures of the old me.  Pictures that I will embrace wholeheartedly and not look down negatively because I believe in order to be successful in this weight loss I to embrace the person I am now and take the steps to changing myself from the old me to the new and healthier me.  So weight loss journey….I EMBRACE you wholeheartedly and I’m ready to take on the NEW challenges for 2014!